“Be who you are and say what you feel,
for those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Today, Day 11 of the Blogalong and for me Day 3 post-surgery, I’m feeling rather like a freight train ran over me—you know, the one from this cynical rewrite of a Pollyannaish old saw:
There’s a light at the end of the tunnel…
…and it’s a train headed your way!
Anyone who has been following my blog knows that I am usually a happy person, or at least hopeful and focusing on positive thoughts. I have cultivated my good attitude through two intensive years of personal growth work and play, and I take well-deserved pride in having overcome a long lifetime of pessimism and severe depression. A gifted life coach (Scout Wilkins), along with other teachers, healers, and mentors, guided me to amazing self-transformation, and I am in the process of becoming a coach and teacher/mentor myself.
I’m living a conscious life, and developing programs to offer to others, which means I am practicing and mulling over and sharing what I have learned in the process of self-transformation. Thus most of my recent blogs have been about how to live a happy life, with digressions into feminist exhortations and pagan musings, and I have enjoyed turning the focus from “me” to “you” at the end of most posts.
Today I’m having trouble cheerleading myself into the frame of mind that I want. I wrote in my Gratitude Journal this morning, listing nine things I am grateful for since Thursday (Surgery Day), but I found it difficult to feel the emotion of gratefulness, because the acute pain is rather fierce (and I’m stubbornly avoiding the prescribed narcotic and trying to minimize liver damage from Tylenol).
But I’m not having a meltdown into wailing, or hyperventilating over certain self-care procedures, like I did yesterday. I am becoming inured to the appearance of the wounds that I must cleanse and dress, and my bowels are almost functioning normally as the narcotics leave my system. I slept fairly well last night—or wonderfully well compared with the night in hospital!
OK, that last sentence looks more like my usual style of genuine gratitude. A little “fake it ‘til you make it,” but that’s okay. Power of positive thought!
My mantra for today is one I learned from a wuwu hypnotherapy cassette tape I grew to loathe back in the late ‘80’s during one of my horribly long and dark depression episodes.
Every day in every way
I am feeling better, better, better!
I remembered this long-forgotten mantra while talking w/ the cashier at Trader Joe’s on my way home yesterday. You know how they always ask, “How are you today?” First I replied, “Better than yesterday!” and then I put my hands into meditation mudras and recited a paraphrase of this quite relevant-if trite-healing mantra. We laughed, and for that moment I did feel better. (Laughter is the best medicine!)
Today, I am loving this mantra’s intention. Evoking belief is not easy while feeling so much acute pain, but I’ll do my best, and celebrate every sign of healing progress.
Thank you to everyone who has sent healing energy, intentions, wishes, prayers, blessings! You moved me to tears when I checked in with blog and forum comments yesterday. Today I’m especially remembering the woman who commented on my Day 8 post (paraphrased from memory) “Thank you [for the coaching part of that post], but remember to take really gentle care of yourself as you heal.” I took her directive to heart this morning, and Dr. Seuss’s quote as well, and am focusing on myself and “saying what I feel.”
I hurt. I really hurt!
And I know the healing has begun, and will accelerate day by day.
“Every day in every way I am feeling better, better, better.”
I hope that whatever pain you may be feeling, whether physical or emotional, will ease, day by day, or lift in an instant of miraculous transformation. Please know from my testimony that even the darkest and most hopeless times not only pass but can be transformed into sustainable happiness. And if you’re a redhead and/or at midlife or beyond, please don’t wait 4 years to see a dermatologist about a “questionable” spot like I did! I have done the “live and learn” thing on that one, and hope you will avoid the mistake I made.
Sending y’all love, and feeling almost teary to be connected with you through the magical worldwide web. That makes it easier to deal with the “what is.” Thank you!
via Nature Wisdom Journey » Blog http://naturewisdomjourney.com/2013/08/13/saying-what-im-feeling-blogalong-day-11-another-day-post-surgery/